This article is adapted from an interview between Helen Rutherford, our Lead Sleep Practitioner and Nicola Maria Rose, Founder of HushAway.
Good bedtime and sleep-through routines are top of many parents’ wish lists, with bedtime often dreaded by children and adults alike. This is not surprising. Our research (Sleep Manifesto 2024 – The Sleep Charity) shows that 40% of children have a sleep issue at any one time, rising to 80-90% in children with special needs.
Why does sleep matter so much?
Poor sleep can have a huge impact on children’s day-to-day life, from influencing how well they are able to learn and interact with the environment around them, to how well they grow and develop physically.
Poor sleep quality can reduce a child’s ability to:
· manage emotions, including stress
· concentrate on their lessons, or day to day activities
· remember what they learned
· consolidate new experiences and rationalise events that happened during the day
Physically, poor sleep quality can create:
· A constant feeling of hyper-vigilance or ‘fight or flight’ mode due to over-tiredness
· More illnesses and days feeling ‘under the weather’ from a weakened immune system
· Poor growth and a weakened heart and vascular system (sleep is needed to regulate several body functions such as metabolism, blood pressure and inflammation)
· Poor brain development
· Increased anxiety and/or hyperactivity
In addition, starting the day tired and ‘on the back foot’ sets our children up for a difficult day. Rather than waking feeling rested with plenty of time to follow their morning routine, they are often tired, late and rush through the morning arriving at school unprepared for their day. Breakfast may be hurried, or missed, along with a scramble for lunchboxes, frantic searches for items of clothing and then a dash to school to avoid the anxiety of being late.
Children thrive on routines and predictability so starting the day tired can create stress on many levels which impacts on them throughout the school day.
Why is it so difficult to create a good sleep routine?
Social media leads us to believe that everyone else has got it sorted and the norm is for children to glide into an idyllic bedtime whilst spending calm quality time with their doting parent. But this couldn’t be further from the truth! Lack of sleep and bedtime battles are a prominent feature of many a baby group and school yard parent conversation.
There is so much to do every evening, between making tea, bathtimes, reading, changing etc and this is without factoring in that parents are often also tired, maybe have been at work all day and have other things on their mind as well.
However, all is not lost! There are some tactics which can help your child settle to sleep more easily.
Tips to Support Your Child to Sleep Well
Create a routine
If you don’t have one already, try to create a predictable chain of events that happens at bedtime every night. So, for example, bathtime at 7pm, story at 7.45pm, goodnight kisses at 8pm – so your child has a predictable routine. If they fall asleep at roughly the same time each night, their bodies and hormones will respond in kind, and they will begin to feel sleepy naturally at the same time each day.
Tailor routines to your child
Instead of trying to enforce a ‘one size fits all’ approach, think about what works for you. When do they start to feel sleepy? What routines will they enjoy that also fit into your evening and complement what you do already?
Start small and build routine changes gradually
There is no magic solution, and dramatic changes in routine can actually make falling asleep harder, especially if your child is not on board. Try one thing at a time. Once you’ve established or dismissed one change gently introduce another.
Set the stage
Subtle changes in the home, for example playing delta waves, dimming the lighting, and turning off the television can all help signal that sleep time is coming and help the transition from play to rest. These adjustments can work better when they ‘happen’ naturally in the background as something the parents like to do to create a restful environment, rather than becoming a conscious focal point for the child.
Build in positive transitions
Often, half the battle is getting the game or tv programme finished, and they just Don’t. Want. To. Go. To. Bed! This can be the most challenging part of getting a bedtime routine in motion.
Giving some warning of a transition can make a huge difference. A countdown of 10-15 minutes to finish what they are doing enables children to mentally prepare for the transition to their bedtime routine. If you can combine that with a treat or snack, something they would look forward to, this helps too.
Create a feeling of Safety
If your child is anxious about bedtime, there are a few things you can do to help them feel more secure:
· Introduce a soothing activity, like massage, story time or singing
· Read stories which validate their worries and help them process their feelings
· Model coping strategies such as deep breathing, and other relaxation techniques
· Reassure them (don’t spray for monsters or say you have scared them off as that just confirms their belief that monsters are real!)
· Having happy photos of you and them in their bedroom
Above all, know that good sleep routines take time, bad nights happen now and again – and you’re not alone. You can do this!
Helen Rutherford is a sleep specialist at The Sleep Charity who partner with HushAway®, a regulation tool effective within a wider bedtime routine, to help your child calm and sleep.